The second half of my 29th year and my 30th year had been tough. Nobody told me that the whole process of preparing for a wedding, going through the wedding, dealing with home renovation, moving into a new home, and settling down to a new life would be so difficult. There was a constant stream of demands and expectations, and I always felt I was not good enough. Not good enough because my mugs and TV console were dusty. Not good enough because my toilet wasn't scrubbed and spotless. Not good enough because I can't cook. Not good enough, not good enough, not good enough. That was how I summed up my 2018. Always not good enough. No matter how hard I try I just cannot get it right, and no matter how much I do I'm just not the perfect wife / daughter-in-law. And it sucked.
But I eventually realised that a line has to be drawn somewhere. Sure, I should clean my place every now and then because we should not be living in a pig sty. And yes I should learn how to cook basic dishes because cooking is a life skill. But no, I am not Susie the homemaker. I do not have to clean my place every single day so that it looks like a showroom. I don't have to cook like some celebrity chef and invite everybody over to witness my culinary abilities.
I am not like that and expecting myself to be that way was just killing me slowly. It was unfair to lie to myself that I could become that way if I try hard enough. There are women who genuinely enjoy taking care of the household but I am just not one of them. I have no issue taking care of the basics but I do not aspire to be Marie Kondo and I have finally accepted that there is nothing wrong with that. I will never fold clothes with gusto but I can take the laundry down, fold them and arrange them somewhat in the wardrobe.
So for my 31st I am making a note to myself to do a few things. First, to accept that I am never going to be a domestic goddess and that is ok. Second, to tell whoever who tells me that I should [insert household chore] to take that unsolicited opinion / advice and stuff it where the sun doesn't shine. Third, to stand up more for myself in the face of intrusive and interfering people. It is tough keeping boundaries, especially when the boundaries are completely not respected and the intruder is someone close, but I promise myself I will try harder this year.
Maybe I should just hang a sign at my door that reads "If you are coming with unsolicited advice / opinion, please take it back home with you. Kthxbye."
But through it all, I am immensely grateful to my family and good friends for sticking by me and listening to my endless ridiculous stories. Thank you for not asking me to shut up and for supporting me through the year.
Of course, I am also thankful for my husband who single-handedly managed the last minute wedding preparation when I was busy with work and who listened to my rants when I get irritated by all the unsolicited advice by others. Thank you for loving me even when I placed the frozen chicken in the fridge instead of the freezer (much to your horror).
Here's to a more snarky and courageous me in the coming year!
