Early 2016 was great. I got engaged to my awesome boyfriend during a lovely holiday admiring the beautiful cherry blossoms in Japan, managed to secure a unit with him in Treasure Crest (after failing at the BTO ballot repeatedly), and finally set in motion the "groundwork" of settling down.
But work had been exhausting, especially in the last few months of 2016, and I was really wondering what on earth I was doing by the time November came around. I had no idea where I was headed, what was going on, why things were the way they were, and I really needed sleep. But I had no idea why I was so tired and I felt like a loser for a very long while. I was trying my best but my best was always insufficient. I had been at this for years but it felt like, maybe my time was up. I had lost my spark (actually, maybe I never had the spark) and I was just desperately trying to get things together.
I managed to take time off in December to go for a family trip to Eastern Europe and the trip allowed me to get some rest (thank god it was a package tour so I did not have to plan anything at all). I also watched a movie (Me Before You) on the long haul flight which gave me a new perspective. You know, having possibilities is indeed a luxury. I was so absorbed in my own shit for such a long time that I forgot this important fact. I have an inherent worth. It does not matter if somebody else thinks I am stupid or I am a loser. So what? Nobody can make me feel like shit unless I allow myself to feel like shit and for the longest time I allowed that to happen. And it is wrong. Dead wrong. I still have the luxury of possibilities and I just need to have the courage to look at these possibilities.
Feeling grateful for the important things in life though - like my family, Zg and my dear friends. You guys are still the best :)
Here's to 2017 and all the possibilities this year would bring. I am stronger than this and I always would be.
Hugs to myself.
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